I remember the time when I decided to chuck away my food diary and stopped food blogging – I thought that I was doing myself a favor by not focusing so much on what I eat, how much I eat, etc. I thought that if I can just stop focusing on food, stop counting calories…ED will leave me.
Boy, was I so wrong.
You see, I had to start on a two-week food diary as part of my Psychology of Eating class assignment. This food diary is more detailed as we have to count the calories of every single thing that is popped into our mouths (or supposedly so). I started off thinking, “Oh I’m fine. I’ll show you that I’ve managed to keep ED at a safe distance away from me.”
The first day I came back to KL (which was the third day of the recording), I gulped in “dismay” (well, actually, silent joy) that my definition of normal intake has changed. What I used to think off as “normal” is now “too much”, and I had to go xxx calories lower to achieve my new normal. It was at that instant when I realized that ED has been eating me alive without myself even realizing it. No wonder my menses has gone haywired again.
Another part of the assignment is to be our own “therapist” by choosing to correct excess/deficiency of certain foods, or to change a certain eating behavior. I know, if I were to be really honest, what is more at stake now will be to eat a “normal” dinner portion, or to even start having planned meals. But the thought of that scares me. Instead I chose a much safer option – increase intake of fruits and vegetables.
Plus, I’ve started my “lemon juice detox” regiment – every first thing in the morning, religiously.
Part of the course outline writes,
“Student may be called for a brief viva regarding their report.”
That scares me – though I don’t know exactly what it means, I deduce that if they discover something “abnormal” in our report, they will want to “talk” to us.
Maybe the only way to fight ED is to face him head-on.
=(
My Body, His Temple 
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